Waiting

I was reading a blog today and this lady cracked me up. She had written the whole blog standing up wrapped in a robe waiting for her spray on tan to dry. That got me to thinking about the number of things that I, as a woman, will wait for and the other million things, that I, as a woman, will NOT wait for, so here are a few:

I will spend hours shopping for the perfect dress, or shoes or purse, but five minutes for a lawnmower or weedeater.

I spend over an hour at the nail salon getting my nails done, but when I paint a wall I want it dry in 30 seconds so I can move the furniture back.

I can wait for my great nephew to wake up from his nap, but if a red light goes longer than a minute, I’m irritable. (My housemate would say I’m in a continual state of irritability due to red lights, and the good news is I may be getting my first ever red light camera ticket here in the next few days. I’m psyched.)

I wait for two minutes to brush my teeth, but filling my car with gas is a waste of 10 minutes.

I wait to scan the newspaper till I get to work, but if my e-mail, Facebook or Twitter doesn’t load instantaneously, I’m ticked.

I’ll wait in line to ride a roller coaster, but not to find a parking place.

I’ll sit for hours painting a t-shirt, but if I can’t get a screw to go in the wall on the first three turns, I’m done.
I’ll walk my great nephew around and around, but don’t get in front of me in the fast lane and drive slow.

I won’t wait on anything mechanical that ceases to function as it should: Lawnmowers, vacuum cleaners, weed whackers, sewing machines, cars, phones, computers, crowded freezers, etc. The object of my wrath, will usually be flung across the room, out the front door, or to the curb.

I am as much a victim of the MTV age as the younger ones are. My attention span has gotten shorter and I am unable to wait, patiently or otherwise. I think my ADD is kicking in, because this blog is causing me to act like an internet search and go from one thing to another, but I will try to reign it in and reach some kind of conclusion.

I miss a lot by not being able to wait. It’s a lost art. “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him” Psalm 37:7. (NIV) “Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.” Isaiah 30:18. (NIV)

Until next time. I’m waiting . . .


Stevie

Soapbox Day – Commercials

Can we talk - - COMMERCIALS? I know we all have our favorites and ones we absolutely mute every time they come on, but I have started my List of the Stupidest Commercials. The sad part is, I can’t even tell you what they sell!

I’m talking about the commercials that when they are over you look around and say wow, that’s a minute of my life I’ll never get back or just how stupid do they think we are?

Obviously on the top of the list are the infomercials where they are talking with four ladies supposedly looking like the ones on The View and they are all serious and hawking their book or tapes or Lord’s Prayer written on a grain of sand. I’ve timed them, that’s what I do for kicks, time commercials to see how long they can go. Four minutes. How they really make their money is getting the public to fork over 29.99 for the book, but wait, if you order in the next 2 seconds they will double the offer and you can have two useless items for the price of one, PLUS the polishing cloth and velvet lined storage box. Great Easter/Christmas/Mother’s Day/ Father’s Day/St. Swiven’s Day gifts. And you can order as many as you want and only pay $49.95 in shipping fees. Let the dialing begin!

But let’s leave Cable for the moment and go to the mainstream tv commercials. I know they are a necessary evil. I know PR and Advertising firms have to make a buck as well, but really, two chimps with an etch a sketch could come up with some of these campaigns. Oh wait, maybe they did!

I do love the candy bar commercials with Betty White, Abe Vigoda, Liza Minelli and the other singer where they are whining or divas and they eat the candy bar and turn back into other people. And the band that hawks credit reports, who is being retired by the way. The talking babies and lizard are always good for a chuckle and the lady with the big hair selling insurance.

However, the following need to be retired TODAY. The tube sock who shocks the old man on the tongue after walking on the carpet. The car that has the production number around it, parachutes dropping in, marching band, helicopter, that’s a little excessive. The food that slaps people in the face as they try to take a bite. That’s just scary. The new commercial where people are filming their progress eating yogurt. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to know in great detail how the yogurt is helping them. Some things should remain private or at least be a new Jerry Springer show, People who eat yogurt and the yogurt that helps them. Any lawyer ad, be it mesothelioma or birth control or whatever drug was taken or whatever bad thing a doctor did to you or for you.

And the drug ads. Fibromyalgia, depression, incontinence, erectile dysfunction, alzheimers, osteoporosis, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, peripheral artery disease, or birth control. By the time you listen to the commercial you are convinced you have it until they list the side effects: may cause shortness of breath, hives, swelling of the tongue and mouth, ears to fall off, hair to fall out, one leg to get shorter than the other, numbness or tingling in your fingernails, eyes cross and teeth turn black. Oh, and it may lead to more severe side effects like death. If you suffer any of these please check with your physician. Okay, I’m DEAD just exactly HOW do I check with my physician? Oh right, see the lawyer ads and make my family wealthy. I get it now. And why, oh why, do all the erectile dysfunction people end up sitting in separate clawfoot bathtubs out in the middle of nowhere? That’s kind of like all those perfume commercials that I never understand.

Then we have the celebrity endorsements for reverse mortgages, mattresses, osteoporosis, sunglasses, life insurance, yogurt, and my favorite, hearing aids. Where is Robert Conrad with his battery when we need him? Although I do like some of the travel commercials with Captain Kirk, but we all knew he didn’t have any pride before he started. And the guy that sells insurance has such a calming voice over as the cars crash into each other. All I can say is I hope they are well compensated.

But the number one stupidest commercial EVER is the talking fish in the purse and the lady is walking along with a pleasant look on her face, like she doesn’t realize she has this talking Billy Bass in her bag and it’s carrying on a conversation with the other seafood at the market. I truly am dumber after that commercial than I was before I started. And these are just the ones I remember. I know there are others.

So those are my picks, as always the opinions expressed in the blog are mine and if you don’t like them, you don’t have to read them. As you can see I didn’t name any product and will not because as I said earlier I don’t know what they are selling because their commercials hack me off so much I mute them. And another thing, stop making the commercials so LOUD. I have a volume button, if you are selling something I want, I will turn it up to hear otherwise I just hit mute to shut you up.

From my soap box today, I am


Stevie

Copywrite 2010 Stevie Stevens, Fort Worth, TX. For information contact faithleap@sbcglobal.net.

Summer – The Way it was Meant to be Enjoyed

While not officially the “summer” season, it might as well be. Glassy eyed people report to the office, tired, sleepy because it’s summer and that means late nights with out-of-school kids, late running baseball games, and boating on the lake till dark thirty. None of those apply to me, however. I’m just tired and sleepy because it’s summer and I shouldn’t have to get up in the morning.

Lazy, hazy crazy days of summer says one song, living is easy says another. Summer conjures up tall glasses of cold lemonade with beads of sweat running down the side of the glass, making a puddle on Mom’s coffee table. Ice cold watermelon cut in circles that just fit the inside of the plate and shooting watermelon seeds at baby brother till Dad comes in then he joins in the fun till Mom appears. Whoops. Then we all are picking watermelon seeds up out of the corners of the dining room.

Walking barefoot through cool St. Augustine grass and laying under a big shade tree, with just a hint of a hot breeze lifting the tendrils of hair off hot sweaty necks. Not having to get up at 6:30 every morning and go to school. Dangling feet in a creek/lake/swimming pool until my toes are all pruney. Standard church of Christ Vacation Bible School, from 9 to 11 the first full week school is out. Two weeks of church camp at Cleburne State Park wearing jeans in hot humid weather; swimming in the lake and starlight devotionals. Cabins cooled by evaporative coolers, so everything feels damp. And mission trips to exotic places like Idaho Springs, Colorado.

There was the Summer Youth Series where once a week we drove into Fort Worth and went to a youth rally, then ate at Pancho’s or some other equally fine cuisine. There was no rushing or having to be somewhere. I was a kid and the grown ups worried about that stuff, I didn’t. The heat didn’t seem to bother me as my brother and I caught what we thought were crawdads at the creek. Summer, just the word brings back such vivid memories, sprinting across hot sidewalks so feet don’t burn, rolling car windows all the way down to get a breeze going. The carefree, unfettered summer days of youth.

Growing up stinks! Oh well, just for today, let’s pretend it’s the last day of school, eat our homemade cupcakes, scoop up our notebooks and head for the door.

Last one in the pool is a rotten egg!

Smiles,

Stevie

Copywrite © 2010 Stevie Stevens Fort Worth, TX. For information please contact faithleap@sbcglobal.net