Sub-Moronic Imbeciles

This was going to be a ranting blog, but I have calmed down considerably since the event actually happened.

I ran into, almost literally, a sub-moronic imbecile on my way home the other night. Granted I was extremely tired, but that’s beside the point. The street I live on becomes a parking lot after about 7:00 p.m. Every house on my street has at least three cars and room to park two in the driveway, so needless to say it is almost like a pinball machine to drive down it, bouncing from side to side to avoid a collision.

It was a little before 9, so it was good and dark and I’m driving towards my house. A car is coming towards me so I slide into a hole between two parked cars. I pull out and keep going and there, silhouetted in the headlights of another oncoming car, I see a figure of a man standing beside a Cadillac pickup truck. To dodge another car, I pull in and wait, then it’s my turn, as I ease on up the street, it becomes clear to me that in the dark on a crowded street, this sub-moronic imbecile is WASHING HIS CAR. Not only is he washing his car, but because it is wet, he doesn’t hug it as I pass by, but stays about a foot and a half away from it. Well, he jumped on my last nerve. I got in the house and unloaded on my housemate about where was his keeper, and did he not have the sense God gave a turnip to get out of the street. Well, I’m sure she was ready to call my keeper at that point.

We’ve all been involved with SMI’s before. You know the ones you wonder how they got that far, did they escape from the home, did they chew through their foot to escape, is their keeper following behind with a butterfly net? Now, I know it’s wrong to jump to snap judgments about people. Okay, it’s wrong to judge people, but some people just ask for it.

I’ve decided I’m going to be a committee of one to rid the public of these SMI’s. I will have a stock of dunce caps which I will dole out on a case by case basis. My blog will be suspended while I do this. I leave for Washington DC in the morning . . .

Politically incorrect,

Stevie